Venting

I know that many of you who have followed this blog for so long, still only know so much. I have not shared much of the extra stuff that surrounded the situation. I am compelled to do so today, because this is the most honest I have been in a while and as hard as it was, I feel so much better.
I received an e-mail from Cody's sister today that just set me off. So, not intending to, but as I started responding back, poured myself out.
K,
Whenever your dad was still alive and Cody and I went with him over to the Rodeo of the Ozarks, we spent that night after getting back looking through tons of pictures and him sharing stories with us. Either him or your mom allowed me to get copies. I only have copies, so I know your mom has the originals. I will not be accused of anything else from either one of you.
As far as all of the pictures that are on that collage, I only borrowed them and gave them to a lady to scan and she made that for us as part of our wedding gift. Your mom also has all of those pictures. I can understand how she may have trouble finding them since so much stuff has been packed away for so long. So, what I'm saying is, I don't have the picture or even a copy of them getting married. Most all of the pictures on the collage, I don't have. I only have a very few copies of Cody as a baby and little boy.
I would suggest you going up there and helping her sort through everything and making copies of what you can, while you have the chance and she is still alive to do so with. That could be a special time you all could share, going through pictures and talking of memories.
(that was the first response, but then I had to send another)
If J has anything she needs to talk to me about or ask me or complain about, then she needs to do so to me or at least leave you out of it or you leave yourself out of it. Actually, I have more than enough going on, so she should probably just keep it to herself and learn to cope with life on her own.
I would think after everything that has happened, that you would have learned not to get involved and/or in the middle and/or anything else for that matter.
Every day is a big day for me. Every day is hard. I know that everyone is grieving and in their own ways. I do not need anything extra to deal with, at all.
You and your mom's relationship with Cody and I after the beginning of October had became nonexistent. Cody only ever talked to her because I encouraged him to do so. The bridge between the 2 of you was burned and I couldn't even bring up your name around him any more, so I didn't. I know for a fact that he would not have wanted you in the room with him. I honestly don't know if he would have wanted his mom there or not, since he is the one who didn't ever want her there to begin with and had told the nurses to turn her away that Saturday when she came back down. He had told her on that Friday that he didn't even want her to come, but she chose on her own to come anyway.
Since you all did not have a relationship with Cody, her own son and your own brother, I do not expect to have any kind of relationship with either of you.
This is not to come across harsh, though it may sound that way, it is just the way it is and it is the truth.
I know that many have been praying for your mom and for you as well, because everyone was aware of the circumstances since September. Cody was so upset by the both of you that he told everyone he came into contact with. He told me he never would have talked to his mom again had I not made him and he was actually a little mad at me for it, but I was not sure what the future would hold and was just wanting him to do it for himself, to have peace. Which
(I go so upset that I accidentally hit send, so I had to continue in the third and final e-mail)
which he did and I'm glad.
Your mom apparently couldn't accept the fact that Cody chose on his own not to have anything to do with her. He returned the cards. He wouldn't answer the phone. He hung up on her. He didn't want her to come back. It just didn't matter to him anymore. Cody made his own decisions and I supported him because of my love for him and respect.
Cody even talked to J (T) about the situation. Your mom was telling everybody so many things, that just were not the truth. And then she wanted K's mom to come and confront us about what our problem was and after all that we had been through... who could even think to do that to anyone? Especially your own son.
And you... Cody was devastated after that last call you had. He said, I almost died in the hospital, how could K treat me this way? The last time that I talked to her I wanted to tell her about that dream about my dad and then she does this. I am done with her. I am done. I don't want anything to do with her ever again.
And, then, the nerve of you to leave a message like you did, period, on that Sunday that Cody was dying, the worse message I've ever received in my life, and then to leave one just about the same on OUR home phone. That is horrible and something I will NEVER forget. And, I know that you and your mom have to live with alot and it was because of your own decisions.
And, just so you know, there has never been an "I'm sorry" from either of you. I know it's too late for either of you to give that to Cody and I guess it doesn't even really matter to me anymore. In your last e-mail to me, you were saying you would not take all of the blame, that it was the 3 of us. Do you realize that you are still blaming Cody and he is dead! He is dead! He is not even here anymore!!! You all can blame me, hate me, whatever. I do not care.