Dogwood Festival

The kids are napping and I'm just blogging to try to occupy myself for a little bit. As of last night, I started not feeling too good. I assume it is all grief related. I have tension and my whole back, shoulders, neck.... so sore! Bad enough today that I'm putting some icy hot on there that I found Cody had in the bathroom... I can't say that its helped much though and this is the second time I've applied it today. But, worse than those pains, (and still I have pains from my cyst) is my heart. It's different than the other chest pains I have had... heart hurting... heaviness... This is just different. It freaks me out a little bit, but not bad enough to go to the hospital. I mean, I am just curious what exactly is going on? Anxiety. Just anxiety? Hm? I don't know, but I don't like it. I took some tylenol yesterday to try to help with my pain and I went to bed by like 10:45 last night, which is I think the earliest I've laid down since Cody died. I felt very blah this morning... And, now these chest pains are back. They have been for a little while. The back pain, all day. Ugh.
Some friends and I are going to the Dogwood Festival this afternoon. So, that'll be good. I won't be alone and maybe walking around will help with all of this. I hope so. We've (me and the kids) spent so much time at the park last week and it is true that doing physical activity really helps with everything. (anxiety, stress, grief) I know it's my nerves because I hadn't walked, really, really walked, in quite some time and I will go and just stroll them around for hours!!! Enough that I was getting blisters on my feet! But, it is such a release!
A few years ago, Cody and I walked from our home to the Dogwood Festival. It was very hot that year! We took Precious with us. She loves to walk, too. Well, we walked through that whole entire thing! Precious started panting heavy and hanging her tongue out of her mouth and Cody and I were both so hot!, so we got 3 bottles of water. Cody and I were really worried about Precious, so Cody opened up the bottle and kneeled down in front of her and she started licking like crazy and trying to stick her tongue in there as far as she could, which you know, wasn't very far, so I said, ok Cody, that's not going to work. Lets do this and I kneeled down and put my hands together to form a bowl and let him pour the water in my hands so she could drink up! The 3 of us were exhausted by the time we got back to the house! She went over to the tile and collapsed because it was cooler there than on the carpet. Precious, she was our very first "baby" lol. Seriously though, she was treated like one!
I put on a tape that Cody had recorded of the radio station years ago... and the long dedication, which in there was "to Melissa from Cody" and the song was, I'll Be- Edwin McCain. I have been trying to finish up all of these tapes. They are so full of memories and hard to listen to at times. I have definitely been in a funk lately. Last night, the tears were streaming again. So, this "grief process"... what a process! Well, I'm still having those pains... I may rest a bit myself before the kids wake up and we take off... not sleep, just kick back and relax for a few... I wish this pain would ease...