Reflecting

(I needed to update my myspace page and didn't want to just delete what I already had there, so I'm saving it here for now. It's nice to go back and reflect on things sometimes.)



Looking at that picture, it's hard to believe it was taken only a couple of months after I almost lost him. Only 2 months after he was in CCU, on life support and fighting for his life- against a rare form of leukemia. Only 2 months after having physical therapy to learn to walk again, almost losing his vision to the chemo and being sent home on 12 prescriptions and with a cane. This picture was taken 2 months after God gave us a miracle! I am so blessed because I have 3 miracles in my life. My husband, Cody. Our son, Zane. And, our daughter, Kadee. They make my life complete! I'm still not quite to the point where I can talk about everything that happened that month of September 2008. I can tell you that I am not the same person that I was before. I don't think any of us are. At this very moment that I type this, statistically, Cody should be very, very ill again... or no longer with us. That's what we were told when he told the oncologist he really didn't want to do any more treatments. Cody had told me that he didn't know if he could endure any more. From knowing others that have had cancer, they have said the same. The treatments are so bad that if you can live through it once, you'd almost just rather live how you can for as long as you can and just let the cancer take over. Thank God that through an acquaintance, we were directed another way. Someone just recently told us, never question a miracle. We believed that when those miracles started happening and everything turned around for Cody in the hospital... that he was healed, completely. We're not trying to show a lack of faith by doing this "diet", but rather we believe God put it before us, just as He put so many people in our lives for various reasons, just as He has blessed us already in so many ways, just as He gave Cody his miracle to live, as I almost watched him die. This has taken a huge leap of faith to travel this path. We are human and we definitely have moments of doubt, fear, etc but we turn again to God in prayer and ask Him to guide us in our lives and our purpose here. I mentioned awhile back how it would almost be easier to do the conventional treatments- there is security I guess in knowing what to expect. They can give you all the side effects and schedule and they can give you the statistics for your chance of living for 5 more years. Who truly would want to know when they might die? Because, the sad thing is, if you do have an idea of the time you have left... It's not some fairytale where you do all the things you always hoped of doing. If you know, you're most likely not feeling well enough to do those things. As most of you know, the "diet" I mentioned earlier can be found at www.coljoe.net or www.coljoe.com. This method has been awarded 3 US Patents. After reading much of the patents and looking over the websites and praying- we just knew. We know where he should be statistically and we know where he actually is. Cody's most recent special blood test reveals him still cancer-free! Praise God! As the nurse said when she left the message: "We're happy! We're excited!!!" "The Lord has done great things for us and we are filled with joy." Psalm 126:3 Also, check out: www.colesfoundation.com This family is doing amazing things! As of the end of Feb 2009, the leukemia is back. What I have to say about the diet is, the diet doesn't fail you, but you may fail the diet. When you become more lax with it, you will not receive the same outcomes. There are many people who do the diet alongside conventional treatments and heal faster and gain their strength quicker, etc and we plan on continuing the diet, along with what the oncologist recommends at this point. We were very torn as to what to do, but we had to do something. So, I guess we'll do both. I type this now as Cody is back in the hospital and going to have to endure further treatments. We know that Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever. We know that all things are possible! So, keep us in your prayers and may God receive all the glory!
Cody, I am missing you so much! I went to the cemetery again today. I'm still trying to figure out a headstone that is just right for you. I want it to be perfect! I love you so much. I will always love you. I don't know what the future holds. I don't know what the next moment holds. I am ok sometimes and other times, I'm not. Today I just got some grieving/coping info from the funeral home. Many talk about this "process" one will go through, but I can honestly say I believe this "process" will be a lifetime one for me. A part of me will always miss you, always love you, always wish you were here or want and need you. I know that I can't be you and me for the kids. I can't be mommy and daddy. No one else can be either. They are loved beyond words, yet they are still lacking. It is not the same. I guess, it never will be. I am so thankful for all of the time you did spend with them and for the amazing daddy that you were. I think about all of this and realize more and more how very blessed I was and still am! We are inspiring others. You would be so amazed by all of this. People loving more because of our love. People going to church and finding God! People helping others more. Someone was talking to me about how crazy, busy life can be and we can become so wrapped up in it, but that you were never like that. You always had the time, you always took the time. More are realizing that relationships are what's most important- those you love and who love you! We are going to work on some very special things in your memory. We want you to live on! We want to help others, just as you would have. We all want to be a little bit more like you. Once again, thank you. Not only from me, but from the rest of us. You touched so many lives by your life and are continuing to do so, even in your death. All my love, "Fi"