I'll be loving you, love me

As I sit here looking at the clock, I can't believe that you were taking your last breaths... Oh, Cody I miss you so much. I love you. My love for you still continues to grow! I am not the same without you, so whoever I am now, I'm still trying to figure out. I do know that you gave me the most beautiful gifts ever, our babies- Zane & Kadee. If not for them, I would have no will to live. I would probably grieve myself to death. I want to be with you. Or, I wanted to have traded you places... After September, I never wanted you to have to go through any of that again. I know you wouldn't have wanted me to, though, just as you didn't back then. Your service was absolutely amazing and so special, just for you. I did all that I did, just for you. And I now try to live day to day, moment to moment, as I believe you would want for me to. And, no, it's not easy... AT ALL. Especially watching Zane, watching you, "daddy, daddy!", in the video, daily... usually several times a day! He misses you so much and I know Kadee does, too. You had a special bond with each of them. Cody, I love you and I am doing the best that I can, which most of the time isn't too well... But, I am trying. I am so in shock at this point... I am so heartbroken that I feel physical pain. So much in fact that I asked a nurse if I could physically endure this kind of pain... I guess time will tell. At times I do wonder. I know that so many think I'm "crazy" for buying the plot at the cemetery next to yours. Yes, I'm only 26 years old, but I know where I want to be and I know where you would want me to be. As I've been told, all the time you waited on me to come around in high school... That now, once again, you are waiting on me.
Collin Raye- If You Get There Before I Do (lyrics to chorus)
If you get there before I do
Don't give up on me
I'll meet you when my chores are through
I don't know how long I'll be
But I'm not gonna let you down
Darling wait and see
And between now and then ‘til I see you again
I'll be loving you, love me
To my Cody- I love you and I miss you, more than words.
And, I'm so glad now that I got you to play hangman with me to kill time in the hospital : )


Some very kind words from more or less a stranger, who wrote a note to get to me:
Family of Cody,
No matter what happens in life always remember God is by your side. I'm so terribly sorry for your loss. I wish there was something I could do for you. But I will pray every day for God to help you & your family & Bless you. I have lost many loved ones & I know it's very hard. But the more I looked to God for help the more at ease I was. I know I don't know exactly what you're feeling inside but I do know you're hurt. If there is anything at all I can do for you or your family please don't hesitate to ask. I'll help you as much as I can. I know I don't know you or your family, but I know it helps when you have people that will be there for you & pray. I know you have a great family that will do just that. Again, I'm very sorry.
Please just call whenever you need anything! (#)
April F.
May God Bless You
Sometimes we don't understand why things happen the way they do! But trust in the Lord. He will help you through.
(Thank you April)