We Need Each Other

Cody woke up this morning with a lot of back pain and a major headache. He was still so tired even after resting well all night. So, I let him be and I got up to take care of Zane and Kadee. I was hoping we could make it to church, but Cody didn't feel good at all, so we weren't able to. I called my Grams to visit with her for just a bit. Then, while I was on the phone with her, a friend left a message on our answering machine. She told me she was very tired the night before, but as she was trying to go on to sleep, she heard my voice saying "I need you." She was so tired, she couldn't get back up to get the phone, but she said a special prayer for Cody and I, as she had been all week and she said that as soon as she woke up, we were weighing heavy on her heart and mind, so she just had to call. When I called her back, she said that it was such a strong feeling, had I not called her soon, they would have been on their way to our house! Her husband has been helping Cody work on his truck and they have seen Cody over the last week and they have grown very concerned. Everyone around Cody has became more and more concerned. We visited for a while and then she had a prayer with me over the phone, to which we were both in tears and got off of the phone crying and barely able to say bye.
Cody didn't get up... didn't get up... I was not sure what to do and I got our baby girl down for a nap and I went in to check on him and asked if he felt ok enough to get up and watch Zane so that I could get cleaned up. He agreed to and got up- as far as to the couch- and laid down there. When Cody was in the hospital and things were looking so grim, I had a very strong never-will-be-forgotten prayer conversation moment with God, while in the shower. I'm always so busy all day, usually my only quiet time and "me" time sometimes, is in the shower. Ever since that day, I've never taken a shower the same. I don't pray every day in the shower, but every day, in the shower, I do think of that moment...But today while my mind was racing, I poured out my heart to God again.
Cody and I had a talk, sort of. I really wanted to get in touch with someone...His oncologist or nurse or on call Dr or nurse... But, we decided to wait. He decided more so than me, but I will give the nurse a while tomorrow to see if she calls with results and if she does not, then I will call and at least let them know all of Cody's symptoms because they need to know and I don't know if we can wait all of this week to find out. I just don't know...
I received a message from a girl who I have felt drawn to ever since I found her husband's caringbridge site. I found it very encouraging and I thank her so much for sending it to me. Please take the time to visit this dear family's site and add them to your prayers: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/justinandrews
Sometimes people hold off on saying anything, because they don't know what to say. Sometimes people don't do anything, because they don't know what to do. I hope that people choose carefully their words, but choose to say something rather than be quiet. I hope that people offer to do something rather than do nothing at all. We need each other.
Cody remained very tired all day and not looking very good. He also ran a fever most all of the day. He rested, not slept all day, but really did nothing. Whatever is going on with him, I think that he did what he needed to do today and probably should've been doing yesterday and the day before, nothing. He's running just a low fever, but nonetheless, a fever, and with his history, any fever is a concern... a big deal... He's supposed to be seen if he runs any fever...
I do want to say that I am an optimistic person. I know that people who know me, know this. I am in general a very happy person! Off and on throughout my whole life, people have nicknamed me "Smiles" or "Smiley" or something else along those lines...As in my last post, I also have to be realistic. I don't expect the worst, but I do accept possibilities. We each learn and become who we are due to all of our life's circumstances. For me, at a young age, when I lost my Papa, I never had allowed myself to think that he might not make it. I know I was young, but I understood that he was sick, very sick, but I always believed that he would get better, that he would live. I never thought he might die.... And, he did. I can't really explain what that did to me. That was my very first real loss and it impacted the very core of me.
I haven't been able to out loud or for a long period of time anyway, go back through what all we have already been through. I honestly still haven't quite found the words for it all. But, what I can say right now is that... Cody was not feeling well, but then some days would be ok, and then he started not feeling well more often and then more constant... He was out doing a mowing job and he called me... He did not sound well... He asked if I knew how much he loved me? I, having no idea where this was going, lightheartedly asked, what? He said, you know how much I love you, right? I love you very, very much! I said, yeah, I know that. I love you too. He said, well, I just want to make sure that you know that because I don't know if I'll make it back home today. I think I might die out here. Cody has never been one to joke about anything like that, so immediately I said, Cody please don't say that. You shouldn't talk like that. If you are feeling that bad, then I'm going to call and get you a Dr appt set up today! Which I did. The saddest part too is that we had been putting off him going to the Dr because we had no insurance and were in a very, very stressful trying time in our lives. That day is the day that his lab came back all out of whack and he was gone for hours to a simple appt I thought... to which he wouldn't tell me the news over the phone, because he had to wait and tell me in person. All he said, it isn't good. The next day, he was in the hospital and over that day and the next, he couldn't even get out of the hospital bed without my help and started going downhill so, so, so fast!
I guess because of what he was diagnosed with, APML, and what all we were told, I know how fast things can change. I know that one week later... We were in a completely different world from where we had been. We were in a very serious situation and the life we knew, would never be again. If you go back through my posts and find the very first one, Normal?, that might help explain some of all this I'm rambling on about.
I do know that whatever this is, while we're waiting on these results, he is getting worse! And, there is so much concern about him now... from so many...
Thank you so much to everyone for your prayers. I know some are having trouble figuring out how to post a comment, but for those of you who have visited and are following our story, thank you so much. Thank you Cole's Foundation for mentioning Cody on your prayer list today. That means more than words can say. www.colesfoundation.com Please visit this site and offer your support. They do amazing, amazing things!!! I am a prayer team member and even despite all that we are going through, I still reach out to others and I say many prayers daily because there is need and we each make a difference... As I said earlier, we need each other.
For those of you who aren't reading back through this blog and would like to know more of what our situation has been, here is a link to a newspaper article done just last month on our family.
http://www.nwanews.com/gentry/Community/3282
We are trusting in God this day, tonight, tomorrow and always. May His will be done and He receive all the glory! Cody is already a living miracle and not a day goes by that I do not thank God for this! If not for Him... Cody would not still be here. Thank you God.
By Your Side- Tenth Avenue North
Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away
Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run
And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life(Chorus 2x)
Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go(Chorus 2x)
"To the Lord I cry aloud, and he answers me from his holy hill. I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the Lord sustains me." Psalm 3:4-5 NIV