All over the place...

Since today is a much better day, I'll take a little time to post : )

Yesterday was a horrible day. It was a roller coaster of emotions all day long. I don't think there was any emotion that I didn't feel. I was one extreme and then another... all over the place... It was bad! It seemed like yesterday was so very long, never going to end and I was going to go crazy! By last night, my nerves were completely shot and I just couldn't take much more! Anxiety was all built up again... chest pains were happening that hadn't happened for so long ... I knew what it was. I did cry yesterday, but not completely letting it all go... My life has taken a turn to where all of these emotions aren't entirely about Cody...

Thankfully today has been a wonderful day! My not-so-good days are affecting those I care about. Someone I care about. I don't like for that to happen, but I know it does because of the care expressed both ways. I'm actually very, very happy today and cheerful and excited about different things coming up! I'm trying to look forward to life and having fun! I don't know when my time may be up... I am making the most of it that I can. Zane and Kadee deserve the best of their mommy! A happy mommy! Those little ones have seen me at my worst... They have seen my heart broken... my tears... my crying out in pain... my sobbing... me not being able to hardly breathe... or speak... or walk... me trembling from the pain... literally shaking all over... they have seen me just begging God to take me too... to let me die...

I went to the cemetery today. I had been feeling the need to. I wasn't sure why? I'm glad that I did. I know that over just these past few days, I am realizing more and more about life. About love. About everything. I have learned so much about myself!

Here are some pictures:




Happy 1st Birthday to Kadee!



Presents!!!



Yummy!




Little Kadee-bug! Such a happy baby!!!



For Cody 1-2-3-4



We all miss you Cody!



We love you Cody!

Cody William Pickering
25 years old.
Made the most out of life- gave it everything he had! May we all learn from him!

Cody,
Seriously, may we all learn from you and the way you lived life! There are many who never understood you. Now they know. You weren't trying to take anything for granted- you were trying to make the most of it. The way you went through jobs and vehicles and 4-wheelers and dirtbikes, etc... to have heard you tell about it all, most would have thought you were an old man! : ) You were far from old. You were full of life! I am so glad that we had each other and how I still feel that I have you. It was you and I against the world and in many ways, still is. I believe and know you enough to know. It's as simple as that. I think that's all I may need.
I love you!
Fi