Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. -Ralph Waldo Emerson-

There was a message left on the answering machine from Cody's oncologist's nurse. She was hard to understand because there was some breaking up, so Cody called her back. They are waiting for his special blood test results to be in and it can take 7-10 days. I guess they didn't want him to think that they forgot about him. As far as me, I was freaking out because I didn't know they had ran another "special" blood test and her calling first caught me off guard and then not understanding what she said, but hearing something different in the message scared me! Cody says that he told me they ran another special test, but I know that he didn't... So, here came back flashes of moments from the very "beginning" of all this. You know, I guess some people think that since we are doing this "diet" that everything is all fine and dandy and we should have nothing to worry about. If you only knew....

If Cody ever runs a fever, he has to be seen. If he has any aches and pains... it is just that or is it the leukemia coming back? I can't speak for him, but this is something I deal with every day. "IT" is constantly on my mind. At times, I think I'm going to lose it. Lately, I don't get much rest either because I can't sleep or because I dream what seems like, all night long! What prompted me to write this is the tears streaming down my face and me trying to put this into words....

We are doing this because we do believe that God put it before us, but even in saying that, we are human. Dr's, statistics, pessimistic people, etc all try to put doubts in our minds. It takes all of our strength to go against all odds and others, even in whom we love, to do what Cody wants to do for himself and feels is best. We share his story with others and we share this "diet"... most people we don't seem to have an affect on as far as there IS another way, but for the few that have made that phone call, that have ordered a book, that have went to the websites and read the patents, that are actually doing it, too and for the ones who have e-mailed me, like just a new one I got this morning, from a parent who is willing to do anything for their child and is going to contact Col Joe because in the medical world, is no more hope for her child.... I praise God and will continue and keep putting one foot in front of the other to make that difference, ANY difference in others lives, as we have been so blessed!

I watched the Barbara Walters special, Patrick Swayze, The Truth. I can't tell you how many times I lost it during that one hour.

Just one night a few days ago, I couldn't sleep and I was thinking that there must be a reason, so I got back on the computer to check on colesfoundation.com and found out that 2 little ones whom stories I had just recently gotten to know, had earned their angel wings. I read what the mother had to say at the loss of her young son and I can tell you that even if I didn't have children of my own or whatever, I would've been so moved, but because I do and to try to understand the pain and love coming from that mother, I was moved in so many ways and I just cried and cried and cried for those losses. And, then I realize the pain hurts and it is "our" loss, but a gain in heaven! So, then I feel like, not really a loss after all. Thank God!

My Grandma just found out that the scan she had done, in another Dr's opinion, was way too early. Her body had yet to recover from all of the chemo and radiation, so she has to wait a little while and have another scan done. I guess he is saying, that scan doesn't count or so that's what it seems like. She will see her original Dr that did the surgery, every 3 months for at least 2 years. My other Grandma has went for the past 9 years, every 3 months and just recently was told she can come back in 4 months. As I think I said before, we're not sure how often Cody will have to go, but probably monthly for all of this year? It is truly like cancer holds you prisoner. And, even when you don't have it any more, it still controls your life. Consumes your life! You always have to live from month to month or 3 months- 3 months, not knowing what that next appt will hold. Not knowing what those next test results will be. I came across a quote talking about how cancer had changed their life and had taught them to truly live. Many people claim that they would actually like to know how much time they have here, how long before they will die! I can't believe that! It's easy when you're feeling good to say that, but the sad thing is, most that do get an idea of how much time they have left, don't even feel well enough to be able to do much of anything...

From reading many journal entries of those who have lost their child or someone they love, to cancer, if not immediately, then soon thereafter, are thankful. They are relieved. They have a peace in knowing that the person is not suffering anymore. They are free! Some have battled cancer for years, for months, or for only weeks.... Though many of our stories are so different, they are yet so similar. We have to trust God above all. And, through our experiences, God can join us together. I'm calling out to all of those who are still living with cancer, in remission or whatever may be, to learn to live-- even though it's like cancer has became part of your being, "it" is NOT who you are! Cancer may try to control and consume our lives, but it can't do that to our souls. We can raise up above cancer and take back control of our own lives! Flat out, cancer's not worth it!

Because of what has happened, I do appreciate life much more than I ever did. And, let me tell you, I already was doing my best to live my life to the fullest! But, now I do even more so. I have such a relationship with God that I honestly didn't know was possible. And, if this is what it's taken to get me here, I am forever grateful! I know of some of the lives that have been touched by Cody's story and his miracle, but I'm sure that I don't know all. It's easy for everyone to want to "pretend" like nothing ever happened. I guess it's just a way of coping for some. I know it gets easier for people to do now that Cody is looking more like himself, before. I wanted Cody to live so that he could know how many lives he touched, what he means to people... and now that he is "ok", I don't know if he has gotten to know that. People, whether they want to or not, do act differently when they think someone is actually going to die. So, for all of those reading this that had things they wanted to say to Cody or him to know when they thought he may not make it, TELL HIM NOW! I've come to realize that just because leukemia didn't take his life in September, doesn't mean we'll still get to grow old together. It doesn't mean that he will get to see our children grow up. It doesn't mean that the length of his time here has increased. He could die in a car accident in a month from now. We don't know. And, I also realize that why I am able to look at his life in that way, I must also look at my own. I am not guaranteed a certain amount of time on this earth, so I know that why I am still here, I must let my Cody, Zane, Kadee know how much I love them and I must not only say it, but show it in any and all ways, so that if I were to leave them, then I could do so with peace. No regrets. I am sharing this in hope that all of you can do the same. Don't wait for another time because there is no better time than right now!

This may sound harsh in some ways, but just for some understanding, it would probably be "easier" for Cody to do chemo and take those pills. WHAT? you ask. WHY? Because it's the "safe" way, right? We would know what to expect. We would know the side effects, what condition he would be in, for probably how long and how long he might be expected to live that way... We would know if this or that treatment didn't work, then there might be another treatment or a bone marrow transplant, we would know that he would be going back and forth to the clinic and what to expect to become just part of our normal lives and daily routines. Well, for those who personally know us and our story, we have never been those people. And, most of the time, to most people's amazement, we have stood by each other against all odds. Why now would that change...



The Road Not Taken
by Robert Frost


Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;


Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,


And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.


I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I --

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.



"This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24 NIV



**One phone call might change your life- literally! Col Joe 479-451-8517 http://www.coljoe.net/ http://www.coljoe.com/ coljoe@centurytel.net Article: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Jennifer_Prescott